Imposter syndrome is an evil little beast that I have spent several years fighting off. I'm getting better at it but it still rears its ugly little head from time to time. Every success feels like a fluke and every mistake - even the little ones that everyone makes- feels like confirmation that I am indeed stupid and don't belong where I am.
I've heard it described as an 'inner mean girl' and I'd say that's pretty accurate. The beast is never happy and I'm still learning how to stop beating myself up.
I used to be someone that apologised for EVERYTHING. Small mistakes, not understanding something, breathing... I felt like the biggest waste of space and the biggest inconvenience on the world. The thing is, none of the things I apologised for were actually things worth being sorry for! So I've stopped that. I now only apologise if I have done something that truly warrants an apology and I only say it once and then we move onto to fixing the issue. A few people have since told me that I'm not apologetic enough now - it could be that they are accustomed to me apologising all the time and the change is a shock, it could be about them needing something from me that I'm not giving them or it could be something else entirely. My point is, it's no longer entirely about me and my failure to be a 'good person'. And I can't please everyone.